they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
