i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize