In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
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