im drinking this country out of the recession.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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