well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
