he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize