those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
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