yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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