Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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