Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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