but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
