Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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