I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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