Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
