Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
