what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
