you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
