So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
