I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
