i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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