Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
is that a dick in a sweater?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize