No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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