never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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