sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
