You're so nebulous sometimes
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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