Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
