I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
as a side note pls kill me
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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