What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My breasts were aching with rage.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
