i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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