ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
