i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
you never un-have a 4some
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
