Taylor Swift is so right about you.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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