I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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