i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
