have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize