Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
