i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
