Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
