I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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