I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
