i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
