Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize