just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
