theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
