what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
