But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize