I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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