I don't usually arrange sex via text message
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
