She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
