White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
