I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
