no, he came in my armpit
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
