Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
