he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
