I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
