So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
