So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
