she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
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