we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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