found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
