I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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