If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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