flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
