dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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