Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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