Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize