Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
