I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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