is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
