I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
