i wish peter jackson would direct porn
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
