So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
