she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
