Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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